Ever since I was an undergrad, I've used this application called 'stumbleupon' to procrastinate. It is an amazing tool that allows you to select certain interests (photography, traveling, architecture, etc) and, at the click of the button, it takes you to the most random websites to fit the interests.

I just stumbled on this website with with a bunch of quotations and found this particular one intruiging:

Wouldn’t it be lovely if we were old. We’d have survived all this. Everything would be easy and uncomplicated; the way it was when we were young...

-Barbara Streisand

After a true dose of life in the past few days for not only myself, but for some very close friends, I feel this quote is fitting.


It is hard to understand everyone's life fully, but I think it is important to try and relate on some level. Life isn't easy-I'm pretty sure everyone can relate to that-and every day people pull through. Sometimes I wish I could push a fast-forward button and preview where my life is going to be in a year, 5 years, even 10 years...the future is daunting at times. For instance, right now I wish I could fast forward to 10 days from now-I will be resting in the comfort of my grandparents home preparing for a holiday with my family...no more finals, no more writing papers, no more going to the library for hours upon end-but reality sets in, and clearly that is not possible because I still have work to do.


While in Kenya, during the Seva Safari trip (a yoga retreat/mission trip where we built a community center in a slum of Nairobi), one of the participants had everyone do a goal setting exercise. I had never been asked to sit down and write down specific goals and doing this exercise really got me thinking...

She had all of us draw out a chart including a 6 month, 1 year, 5 year, and 10 year column with rows titling health, personal and career. Basically, we were required to fill in a goal for each of these time frames, but not just a general goal, a full detailed explanation of what our life looks like in that specific moment. The exercise was very difficult for me because I had never really imagined a plan for my life-I've actually prided myself in going with the flow and seeing how things pan out, but this forced me to really wrack my brain and put together some sort of plan. This memory inspired me to dig out my personal journal and I can't help but laugh at what I wrote in my chart. The details will remain private, but basically it described what I thought I wanted my life to look like...however, similar to most things in my life-these goals have changed.


My surroundings have changed drastically since my time in Kenya, and therefore, so have my goals and future plans...I think it is important to be ok with that. It's nice to have a pretty picture painted of what "feels right" but it's also important to acknowledge that life is transient and not always going to go as planned. 


I like to believe I have it together, but wow, I dance on the line of completely falling apart sometimes. This makes me think of a quote by Andy Warhol: "I never fall apart because I never fall together" and I think that is the perfect way of looking at it. No matter where I am, who I am with, or what I am doing, I highly doubt I'll have it fully together. I like it that way. Life has been incredible up to this point, clearly there have been hic-ups, heart breaks, tears, etc. but thankfully, life goes on and the fun times outweigh the bad...I guess, as humans, all we can hope for is to laugh more than we cry...


After re-reading this blog post, I can't help but think of this one day in my memory. I was driving from NYC to Lake Placid and I ended up at this Peace Pagoda outside of Albany. I almost missed the small sign with the arrow pointing me in the direction-but this is what I stumbled upon in real life:

The day went nothing like I had planned-it actually went better. 
Taking a step back from everything feels good...this memory feels good.

yes, it is almost december

YES! mark and gina in boston this weekend!!

overwhelmed is an understatement...as the end of my first semester in grad school is nearing, I'm realizing how different grad school is from my college experience in pittsburgh. although my major as an undergrad was grueling in its own ways, dedicating my LIFE to final papers, projects, and exams leaves me feeling like i'm running at a million miles a minute-but i'm getting through it...I mean what can I do? hide from it? not a chance.

coming off of an incredible thanksgiving break, I can't help but wish I was still in the comfort of suburbia and my parents home, but like always, time moves on. It's quite mind boggling how in 2 days the month of december will begin and how the holiday season is in full force. I know it isn't always healthy to compare, but I find myself comparing where I was last year at this time to where I am now...exactly 1 year ago I was wrapping up my first month in Kenya and getting ready to head to France to meet Mark and Gina for my birthday celebrations. I have had multiple conversations recently about how a lot of things that have happened in my life feel like a dream...it is almost as if they aren't real.

Last years birthday!

I saw a lot of old high school friends over Thanksgiving that I hadn't seen in years, and the most common question I got was: "wow, so how is/was EVERYTHING?" implying they have heard about my adventures, and to be honest, I don't even know how to respond to this. My initial response would be: it was great, but it doesn't feel real anymore?...life is full of twists, turns, ups and downs and at the end of the day I still am who I am. I sometimes wonder if the person asking the question expects some profound answer that I just don't have...I guess I'd like to say that my experiences have shaped who I have become but I am still the same person in a lot of ways. A lot of people would say I am a very different person than I used to be, one of my best friends might go as far as to say that she used to be scared of me in high school-i believe I've heard her say, "I thought Krissy was a bitch in high school" in a joking tone of course...but what does even mean? I would hope everyone has changed since high school, and preferably for the better...nobody wants to be that 17 year old forever-thank goodness I'm not at least (and I'm sure my parents would agree).

The encounters I have with past characters from my life force me to look back to a part of my life that no longer feels "real" to me either...5 years ago, if you had told me I'd be in grad school for International Health and that I would travel the world, I'd probably write you off (in a bitchy way), argue that you're full of shit, and go talk about boys and shopping with my friends. But here I am, living the grad school life (procrastinating writing this blog) and looking into moving somewhere international for an extended period of time...I guess the jokes on me. Life is such a process-whether or not we have a structured plan for it, its going to happen one way or another. 


I recently read through my personal journal and couldn't believe what I wrote...stories of people I had met, places I had been, and things that happened to me all feel surreal at this point. I chalk it up to the fact that I am living a very different life and those experiences are so far from where I am now. But yes, they are there, documented through my writings and photographs...one thing I will never regret is starting this blog and keeping a journal-it provides a lot of content for the book I'm slowly compiling...


I am pretty sure that a few years from now, my time in Boston will feel similar to what I just wrote about-just a memory, almost unreal...but wow, this city is so beautiful and I've really been trying to take it all in. In the 6 days that I was home for thanksgiving, the city underwent a transformation and is now in full fledged holiday mode. The streets are lined with trees wrapped with lights, holiday decorations, and is absolutely picturesque. It is officially a different season now; winter is among us and I am excited. My parents are coming into town this weekend to chime in year 24 with me and I cannot wait. 23 was an incredible year for me, so I can only hope that 24 brings something similar. A year full of adventure, spontaneity, surprises, new people, inspiration and unexpected twists is all I can ask for-a year of cleansing and learning as I slowly (emphasis on slowly) transition into being an adult.

Ending on that note and getting back to my school work, I am committing to fully embracing finals and the holiday season, and at the same time anxiously looking forward to a new year. Before we know it, 2012 will be here and to be honest, I cannot wait to see what it brings...life is good

family photo from the wine tour we did over break! so much fun!

And yes, I was this close to a giraffe at one point...NOT REAL!!

bold in boston

I have this horrible habit of using this blog to procrastinate, but I'm justifying it because the only time I write anymore is when I am procrastinating.

I have this philosophy that you have to live somewhere for about three months in order for it to really become a home...this happened to me when I moved to Lake Placid, to Nairobi and now in Boston. I have lived here for almost three months and I can confidently say this is my home.

My street!

view from my apartment

the charles river

some of the city

I figured I'd give some visuals...so yea, three months has flown by. I still sometimes think about the crazy process of how I ended up here, it was completely unexpected but that is the way life works...


School has been a whole new adventure to tackle that has its ups and downs on a regular basis. Somedays I feel like I'm in the program I should be, and other times I feel like I could be learning a lot more while abroad and on ground. BUt that is neither here nor there because I'm in Boston, and I'm going to finish this program...my latest developments include planning on going abroad in June for about 6 months to work for an NGO...the location is still up in the air, but once solidified I'm sure a whole new set of emotions will arise.


i think i mentioned this in a previous post, but Boston has really brought me back to my  manlius roots and reconnected me with some old friends-i am so thankful for this. going out in Boston has been full of adventure and random events which are always amusing, its nice to always go somewhere I haven't been and meet new people.

COWABUNGA dudddee-ninja turtles for halloween!

I figured I'd throw in a picture of Halloween-Nicky and I got creative and made these awesome turtle shells...it was quite an adventurous night-to say the least.

But enough procrastinating-i have to write a paper now. looking forward to thanksgiving next week-some solid time with family and friends in manlius

mark and gina's back yard

reflect

missing kenya, my masai family, and my dad today

I am currently sitting in the library procrastinating a bit-somehow in denial about having my first test as a grad student tomorrow...but i also wanted to put down in a words a few thoughts that have been bouncing around in my brain lately...


I had a conversation with one of my life mentors today and as we chatted about life, challenges we've been facing, and different approaches on how to handle things, I found myself telling her, as well as telling myself, that no matter what things work out. 


It is so easy for people to get stuck...whether it be about school, work, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. there is so much fear and uncertainty around the unknown so as human beings, we find it easier to shut things out-shut people out-shut opportunities out...but in essence this does not get us anywhere-we grow from experiences-we grow from mistakes-we grow from fear-we grow from taking chances...and at the end of the day, time keeps ticking away and things eventually work out-maybe not as we expect, but they do work out.


of course they do...whenever I get worked up about something or feel like I'm heading for a breakdown, I'll call my dad...my dad is probably the most level headed and practical people I know and one of his lines for me is,

'Krissy, its not the end of the world'

my response is usually short and something along the lines of 'UGH I KNOW DAD' but in reality I should take his comment into more consideration...perspective is key. of course the world isn't going to end and of course my life will continue, but in that moment it usually doesn't feel like it. I'm still learning how to step back, take a few breaths and realize that at the end of the day it isn't the end of the world-somehow everything will come together in time. so Mark, thank you for instilling this in my head and hopefully my panic calls will become less frequent!


moving on...in my Global AIDS Epidemic course I'm taking, today we discussed this article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/04/health/04hiv.html?pagewanted=2&hp

The article is about the hormone injection contraceptive...basically it acts as birth control and you don't have to take a pill orally, it is injected into the arm every 3 months and has been proven to be an effective birth control-sounds perfect, right? BUT the latest findings released on Monday are showing that this shot actually doubles the risk that women will become infected with HIV! AND when it is used by H.I.V.-positive women, their male partners are twice as likely to become infected than if the women had used no contraception. This is probably one of the most unfortunate discoveries and it actually hits really close to home for me...

Back in February, AYP hosted a women's health workshop and we actually prided ourselves in providing the shot to anyone who wanted it for free. My professor stated today,

'This is like taking 10 steps backwards in the fight against HIV/AIDS'

So i'm left feeling sad; not only is this going to create a larger problem for the international health field to attack, but it also leaves me feeling a bit responsible for providing something that could potentially be harmful to so many of my friends in Kenya.

But here are some positive articles on HIV/AIDS that I found that can hopefully allow readers to get a better grasp on the situation...

• http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/04/health/04global.html?scp=2&sq=HIV&st=cse
• http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/27/health/27baby.html?scp=6&sq=HIV&st=cse

and i'll leave you on that note...i strongly suggest reading these articles to educate yourself and allow it to inspire you in whatever way it does.

an update on lost time

i quit writing for a while. clearly. and this is my attempt to explore it again...we'll see if i stick to it

gosh, as always a million and 5 things have happened since I last wrote...I've returned to America indefinitely (sad face) but readjusting has gone as smoothly as I could have hoped for; a little rocky at first (the reverse culture shock was actually more intense than the initial culture shock of kenya), but i feel pretty acclimated to where i am right now...


So i'm going to a small photo montage of big events leading up to right now:

minnie visited me in KENYA!! and this is us climbing Mt Longonot

mark and gina joined in kenya and we traveled to the masai village in amboseli!

i summited kilimanjaro (4.5 days up 1.5 down) with the wonderful emily fleming!

built a community center in kibera with the Seva Safari group

spent 2 weeks at the lake readjusting to america-rough i know

went to ottawa with mark and gina-yes this is caesar in a stroller

cleared the wake wakeboarding for the first time evaaa

went to woodstock to see billy paige and emily!

rekindled old friendships in good old boston

clearly thats a brief overview but it does lead me to right where i am now...so i've started grad school at Boston University...and its awesome!! i lost interest in my undergrad major about sophomore year so its been a while since i've been genuinely interested in my courses and its a fantastic feeling...i'm taking courses that are heavily involved in current global issues the world is facing today: issues such as poverty, sanitation, HIV/AIDS, infectious diseases, child mortality, NGO management, leadership within organizations, uniform education, community mobilization, gender inequalities and the list continues...I find myself constantly inspired by the what my professors and fellow students have to say and so needless to say, i'm enjoying school.

also, boston is this wonderful city i've never taken the time to explore until now. in the past i've been biased to nyc and always overlooked boston, but to my surprise, i can't imagine myself anywhere else right now. i've happened to meet up with SO many people from different walks of my life-old friends from high school, my yoga teacher training, asia escapades, figure skating, and pittsburgh have been popping up in my life and i'm loving it. reunions could quite possibly be one of my favorite things because it is so fascinating how much people can change and how much i have changed. and with reunions, the conversations never run dry-both parties are usually extremely interested in hearing about one another's pasts and its so great to see where all of my friends have ended up!

its exciting to be in a new phase but i feel like my life is in constant adjustment...i'm in a new city, at a new school, taking new classes, meeting new people, and its a little overwhelming at times. not saying that i don't like it or i don't fit in, i actually would label myself as a very adaptable person, its just the idea of living back in america and where i fit in under that label...

'i've joined this network of people who are from the world. i don't feel like i fit in america and i know i'll never be fully kenyan'-miss paige elenson herself

this idea really resonates with me because although it is easy for me to be a 23 year old american, i still have all of these experiences that have influenced my mentality that leave me feeling like i can't relate to a lot of people. i'm amongst the souls who are trying to save the world and in essence from everywhere?...i feel grateful that i'm in the program i'm in because i think that many people in my classes feel the same way and have had similar experiences. 

so to conclude this thought: its good to surround ourselves with like minded people-it somehow makes the hard things easier. but mannnnn i miss traveling the world...at least a girl can dream

the beautiful koh tao off the eastern coast of thailand-take me backkkk

connection

nairobi is insane. i am convinced this city is the most unpredictable/wacky city i've ever been in and i adore it.

at the end/beginning of each month the traffic is unbelievable-the timing is because the end of the month is when everyone in the city gets paid therefore everyone has money to go and spend on things like gas, going out, etc. so it tends to be crazier than usual (even though thats hard to believe as well). so the past few days have been extra ridiculous because the entire city seems to be out of petrol as well? the gas stations have been dry of gas since monday and this is causing quite a ruckus. the few gas stations that have petrol have lines multiple hours long waiting for gas, and even me, i ventured out in the late hours of the night to go fill the nearly empty tank of the car. the gas light of the car had been on since earlier in the day and it seemed like the only time to take care of it was in the middle of the night-and even then we waited about an hour!!

since my last post i've been to amboseli and back in a 24 hour time frame, done hours of yoga in a beautiful park in Nairobi with some of my favorite people, planned an official trip to ethiopia, committed 100% to the kilimanjaro hike (i put in my deposit), and still managed to take care of some other work as well. 


i'm welcoming the next few months in Kenya with open arms. 


to write a bit about my masai village excursion:
so, my motive to going to amboseli was to drop off some patches and shirts for the AYP shirts to be beaded. when i arrived there, i had no idea what was in store...little did i know that the day i arrived, 2 babies, a calf, a dog, AND a goat had been born!!!!!!!!!! talk about intense-not only have i never held a new born baby before, i NEVER thought i would be holding a BRAND new baby in a cow dung hut next to 5 Masai women. the experience was amazing, moving, intense, and left me feeling so grateful for this path i've ended up on. without AYP i would have never been able to have all of these unbelievable things happen in my life, so i'd like to acknowledge Paige and the rest of AYP because without these experience i would have had no idea how amazing and educational life really can be.


also, about 30 AYP teachers and I have spent the last few days in the arboretum park working on helping each others teaching skills and just sharing with one another. it has been a lot of yoga combined with some amazing conversations and i'm happy to have shared the time with them. they're such awesome people and even though we've grown up worlds apart we can really relate to one another about certain things. i've become such good friends with all of the teachers and i still continue to be fascinated by humans and the level of connection we can feel with one another.

one last thing-the trip to amboseli i did was with Hassan (AYPs driver) was quite the bonding experience. when you spend about 10 hours in a 36 hour time frame in a car together, you really get to know someone.  i already adored him and his father-like tendencies, but he really out did himself this time. knowing the trip was purely for business, he was so conscious and tentative making sure we were both on the same page about timing, where we needed to be when, and through all of this he still kept asking me if i was ok-if i had enough rest, etc. i found out more than i could have imagined about him and i'm sure the same for him about me. for those of you who know me i can be pretty chatty, and Hassan and i found ourselves chatting about life, politics, our past, the future of kenya and the world, and many other things. he's quite an interesting character and i know it may be hard for you to understand exactly where i'm coming from, but i think he is just such a great guy and really cares about the people he comes into contact with as well as AYP.


back to work but wanted to share a bit of the recent occurrences in my life-

a bit of safari

kilimanjaro behind the clouds-see you in juneee

meeting in the village

hassan and i at the park exit

everybody must have a fantasy

this weekend marks exactly 1 year since graduation and also marks my 3rd full month in kenya!!

last night i was up late wrapping up a project and really had some time alone to think, calm my mind, and breathe. the work i was doing was soothing and somehow satisfying. the project had nothing to do with computers or the internet, it was very hands on and provided me with an end result. Something as simple as starting something then finishing it to completion is amazing. when working on the internet and looking at my schedule i often get overwhelmed with the endless amount of emails and things i need to do...but the pure simplicity of using scissors, using my hands, and seeing a product at the end was a nice change. 


but that also got me to thinking...how often in our days do we feel like we climbing a never ending mountain? i think it is so important to remember that there is an end result we are all working for. whether it is in sight or not, it is still there. after last night i am committing to integrating some sort of activity into my weekly schedule to make sure i do not lose sight of the simple things: starting a project (not using technology) and finishing it to completion.


on that note...try it?

the very beginning of the project

yesterday i traveled to one of the slums (kibera) and took a yoga class at this small school one of the AYP teachers teaches at. The one room school made of mud was beautiful. With the benches pushed to the back of the room next to the chalk board, over 30 children piled into the room and onto the floor for yoga. Ages ranging from 3 all the way to about 15, combined with myself and 3 other visitors (another american, a swede, and a german), the room was quite a diverse group of individuals. But that is the beauty of it-yoga can really bring people together. 


There is something really special about going to the yoga classes in the slums that i cannot explain in words but i will try...it is so easy and common for people to just come and 'visit' the slums to see them. I often hear people say 'oh i'd love to go see Kibera,' but what does that even mean? you want to go see it, take pictures of people and their living conditions, meet a few locals, then leave? taking pictures of just random people and walking around an area keep you on the outside-the yoga classes allow me and other visitors to really take part in a community event. these students come to class each week to practice yoga. in attending the yoga classes in the communities i'm constantly reminded that we all have something to share. we can share the dusty floor and lay in savasana with our eyes closed. where we go when our eyes are closed can be our own, but in that moment, when i was laying on the floor of this school (with no mat because to be honest all we need is the ground to practice yoga) next to all of these beautiful children, i felt more connected to them than i feel with most of the people in this world.

needless to say, AYP and the way this organization is connecting people around the world, continues to inspire me.


after writing all of this down i feel a bit foolish for how i've been thinking lately. i've been anxious and worrying about my future and the next few months, but i really need to take a step back.

'the good times of today are the sad thoughts of tomorrow' -bob marley

the truth in this quote boggle my mind. here i am plowing through life at full speed but it is so important to really take in each day at a time. i've been nostalgic about missing my friends, and family etc but i guarantee that as soon as i return home i'm going to be telling the stories of going to the slums for yoga, traveling to the coast, the consistent calls from the Masai just to say hello, travels to amboseli, shopping at this market, shopping at that market, eating at all the restaurants around nairobi, sneaking into the pool at the Serena, impromptu photo shoots, etc. and i'm going to miss it. i'm going to crave kenya like i crave chocolate in the middle of each month.


i guess there's nothing like having things put in perspective after a cleansing yoga session with some awesome people.


the past few weeks have been incredible...exhausting, but incredible.

Rozan stayed with us for about 4 weeks and having her was such a blast. we really got to know one another and i think she is hilarious, fabulous, and very intelligent. the conversations i have with her were stimulating, grounding, and enriching...her perspective on everything from men to politics around the world to the best cities in the world to party in, she constantly challenges my opinions and educates me on different issues. she leaves today and i'm sad to see her go-she was such a great house guest and i know our paths will cross again in the future, its just always hard to say goodbye. 


another person who is leaving kenya is my dear friend jessica-in the past month we've dined out in nairobi too many times to count, traveled to the coast, pool crashed at the tribe hotel, played parents to her fiances little brother, and became really good weekend friends. i've found that my friendship with her and jordyn allows me to have an out. our weeks are crazy and jam packed but we have been setting aside a night per weekend we get together and its been so nice. thank goodness jordyn will still be around this month while jess heads back to the states!

the camel people! i've been spending a lot of time with my friends who love camels lately which has fulfilled the randomness that i often crave in my life! sebastian, philippa, and alicia are traveling the world doing a documentary on camels-and are HUGE advocates for camel milk! these 3 are innovative, always thinking, and coming up with ways to move forward towards progress. billy and i spent an afternoon at their house doing some impromptu art activities, they came to kibera with me for yoga, and then they came to dinner and each time has been full of laughs, stimulating conversation, and random activities.

moving onward-Altitude for Africa Yoga Project!!! it is official-Melanie, Emily and I are climbing mt. kilimanjaro and fundraising for Africa Yoga Project while doing so! donate here if you want to support a great cause and motivate the three of us to work hard and train so we can conquer the tallest mountain in africa!!! https://www.z2systems.com/np/clients/ayoga/donation.jsp?campaign=7

also i'm really really really looking forward to my parents visit in june! for both of them it will be their first trip to Africa EVER and for those of you who know my parents-they've basically been everywhere else! with that, i'd like to acknowledge my mom-she's about to head to haiti to do some work with the Universite d'etat d'haiti. her and a team of other Syracuse University people will be traveling together to Haiti this weekend to form the relationship between the 2 universities with hopes to engage in cooperative programs of education and research and promote exchange among their faculty, students, and staff. i cannot wait to hear how her trip goes and what she sees. haiti is a developing country and extremely poverty stricken, but i am very interested to hear her opinion on the comparison between kenya and haiti! so, keep an open mind gina lee and safe travels!

ok i'll end on that note. asante for reading :)