Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Ever since I was an undergrad, I've used this application called 'stumbleupon' to procrastinate. It is an amazing tool that allows you to select certain interests (photography, traveling, architecture, etc) and, at the click of the button, it takes you to the most random websites to fit the interests.

I just stumbled on this website with with a bunch of quotations and found this particular one intruiging:
Wouldn’t it be lovely if we were old. We’d have survived all this. Everything would be easy and uncomplicated; the way it was when we were young...
-Barbara Streisand
After a true dose of life in the past few days for not only myself, but for some very close friends, I feel this quote is fitting.


It is hard to understand everyone's life fully, but I think it is important to try and relate on some level. Life isn't easy-I'm pretty sure everyone can relate to that-and every day people pull through. Sometimes I wish I could push a fast-forward button and preview where my life is going to be in a year, 5 years, even 10 years...the future is daunting at times. For instance, right now I wish I could fast forward to 10 days from now-I will be resting in the comfort of my grandparents home preparing for a holiday with my family...no more finals, no more writing papers, no more going to the library for hours upon end-but reality sets in, and clearly that is not possible because I still have work to do.


While in Kenya, during the Seva Safari trip (a yoga retreat/mission trip where we built a community center in a slum of Nairobi), one of the participants had everyone do a goal setting exercise. I had never been asked to sit down and write down specific goals and doing this exercise really got me thinking...

She had all of us draw out a chart including a 6 month, 1 year, 5 year, and 10 year column with rows titling health, personal and career. Basically, we were required to fill in a goal for each of these time frames, but not just a general goal, a full detailed explanation of what our life looks like in that specific moment. The exercise was very difficult for me because I had never really imagined a plan for my life-I've actually prided myself in going with the flow and seeing how things pan out, but this forced me to really wrack my brain and put together some sort of plan. This memory inspired me to dig out my personal journal and I can't help but laugh at what I wrote in my chart. The details will remain private, but basically it described what I thought I wanted my life to look like...however, similar to most things in my life-these goals have changed.


My surroundings have changed drastically since my time in Kenya, and therefore, so have my goals and future plans...I think it is important to be ok with that. It's nice to have a pretty picture painted of what "feels right" but it's also important to acknowledge that life is transient and not always going to go as planned. 


I like to believe I have it together, but wow, I dance on the line of completely falling apart sometimes. This makes me think of a quote by Andy Warhol: "I never fall apart because I never fall together" and I think that is the perfect way of looking at it. No matter where I am, who I am with, or what I am doing, I highly doubt I'll have it fully together. I like it that way. Life has been incredible up to this point, clearly there have been hic-ups, heart breaks, tears, etc. but thankfully, life goes on and the fun times outweigh the bad...I guess, as humans, all we can hope for is to laugh more than we cry...


After re-reading this blog post, I can't help but think of this one day in my memory. I was driving from NYC to Lake Placid and I ended up at this Peace Pagoda outside of Albany. I almost missed the small sign with the arrow pointing me in the direction-but this is what I stumbled upon in real life:




The day went nothing like I had planned-it actually went better. 
Taking a step back from everything feels good...this memory feels good.





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